Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Sweet Smell of Success

Today I had two people comment on my perfume ... wow what a relief.   To fully understand the importance of this, you would need a little back story.    A little over a year  ago my ex husband informed me that I stank and that I was sending Joey to his house smelling like dogs.    He did this on the phone one evening and then he followed up with it in person.    It was one of those awful moments that will likely forever be burned into my memory.    We were standing outside Joey's school, and we had just had a pretty awful meeting about Joey being bullied.   One of the mean comments being made was that Joey smelled.   I felt it was from Joey being a typical boy and not being too interested in hygiene.    He was getting to the point that showers were not something to be skipped and he also needed to start using deodorant.     BUT my ex husband had a different take on it.       I said something about how I was being very vigilant about making  sure Joey was taking a shower consistently, etc and my ex said "But the smell is all over you too.    It's all over your house and it's covering your clothes and everything in your house."    Of course, he looked me up and down like I was the dirtiest,  grossest person on the planet.   It was really awful - I can still remember what I had on and how filthy I felt.   God, what a really shitty thing to say.     Instead of being offended,  I immediately accepted what he was saying as truth.   I felt so awful about what I had done to my son.  I felt that through fostering dogs I had put Joey in the situation that he was being made fun of.   Even his Dad was saying he stank as well as me.   I felt like the worst mother on the planet - even thinking back on that conversation with my ex I could cry.

After that incident, I was totally paranoid and constantly asking people I knew if Joey or I smelled like dog poop and pee.   Everyone told me we didn't, but I was scared that they were just being nice.      What's strange is that I was just telling my friend at work this story yesterday while we were having lunch.    (We've known each other for years, so I'm not just telling random people at work about my ex husband! ha)   Anyway, she reassured me that she's never smelled anything remotely "doggy" about me - Thank God.    When I told her I thought it was such a mean thing to say, she was like "UH YEAH DUH - but isn't that what the dynamic of your relationship is still about?   Him doing and saying things to keep you feeling down about yourself?     

I hadn't talked about this incident or brought it up to anyone for a long time.   So it's a little strange  that today I spent some time with my family and got two "compliments" about how I smelled.    My brother sat down next to me and informed me whatever perfume I was wearing made me smell like I had showered too many times.   And then my sister in law also asked me what perfume I was wearing.   HA   Guess I don't stink after all, in fact I smell C L E A N!!!!!    And, no, I'm not talking about after I've spent hours at an adoption event cleaning up poop and pee or after giving a dog a bath.  ;)   But in my normal, every day life - I do NOT stink apparently.

The perfume, shower gel and lotion I currently use is "Grace" by Philosophy.   It's this really fresh, clean smell and some people even say the scent can help create a peace of mind.    I've been using the shower gel/lotion for a while but just got the perfume for myself in December.   

Considering how relieved and proud I felt, I think it's clear that those mean words spoken to me over a year ago are still haunting me.

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